It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
