my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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