If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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