Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
