rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
