i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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