My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
