I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
