WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
