It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
