I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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