I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
