meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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