do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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