Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
