I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
