She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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