so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
