No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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