Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
