You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
