yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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