We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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