And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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