by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
