maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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