U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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