she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
