i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
