me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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