Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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