can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
