I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
