I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
