why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
