Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
