she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
