the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
