I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
3 2 1 whiskey
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
