It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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