We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
