I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
