I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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