batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
