Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
