i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
