I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
