I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
