There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
