Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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