Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
