She said her name was "party"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
